She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i drank out of a bidet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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