genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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