how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Randomize
