no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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