Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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