i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I touched a dick in church today
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
