Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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