is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
