i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
