Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
