I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
