I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
