my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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