Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
