awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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