Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
