is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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