Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
