Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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