carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
