Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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