grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
