I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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