You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
