and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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