corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
