Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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