I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
