cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
