He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
