well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.