my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.