As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice