dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.