he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.