I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
