I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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