Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
