im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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