I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
