If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
