I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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