Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize