I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
