He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
