Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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