He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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