is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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