Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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