know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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