hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just gargled with NyQuil
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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