two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
