I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So squirting runs in the family.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize