That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
