i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
