If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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