The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
...so i touched it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
