I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
