I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
