I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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