We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
