Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
