Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
