Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
