If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
