think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
