My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
