This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
