I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
