I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
