yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found a bag of teeth...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
