Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
