a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you made out with another girl for some wings
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
