you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
