I'm lost and stupid without you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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