so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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