So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
