CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
