I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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